Trump’s Birthday Parade Looked Like a School Play — and We’re All the Parents Pretending It’s Good

There it was.

The saddest parade since the Empire’s stormtroopers marched down Colorado BLVD.

A few plastic flags, half-hearted waves, and that signature Trump expression — like he’s just realized the cake has no frosting and the guests are paid actors.

What are we even watching?

A flex?

A farewell?

A rerun from a dystopian sitcom?

If this is what authoritarian swagger looks like now, we’ve truly hit the parody arc.

You don’t need to hate Trump to feel the secondhand embarrassment.

You just need to have attended a toddler’s birthday and thought, “Ah yes, this was more organized.”

Bizarro Takeaway on Trump's birthday parade:

You can prop up a stage, but you can’t manufacture charisma. The emperor may have a balloon, but he’s still not wearing clothes.